The things only your girlfriends will tell you about pregnancy

On Friday, I had lunch with my girlfriend Jennifer and she told me she and her hubby are pregnant as well. I just about peed my pants -Granted, these days, I sneeze I pee, I laugh too hard I pee, I cough I pee- I was so excited for them!

As we sat down to lunch, I launched into my spiel of things I wanted her to know so she wouldn't freak out and think that there's something wrong, the baby's dead, etc... Once I got home, I realized I most likely totally overwhelmed her with information (and I hope I didn't scare the ever-loving-hell out of her w/all of the "fun" things I told her!!!????!!). So, I started compiling a list in my head of all of the things I told her/should have told her/don't remember if I told her... I also thought it might be fun for me to go back and read this once Carolyn is here and I'm going through a whole new facet of pregnancy... dealing w/the baby!!!

So, here it is, in all of its glory. The list of things that only your girlfriends will tell you about pregnancy:

* You get really freaky discharge. If you're not comfortable with dealing with/talking about things like discharge... don't have a baby until you've made peace with it. It will be super thick, and white, and you'll think there is something really odd going on down there. Relax, it's good. It keeps out icky bacteria and foreign objects, etc.

* If you get this weird crampy feeling on the sides of your abdomen/groin area you're not having a miscarriage. It's most likely just all of the ligaments and muscles beginning to stretch out. Believe me, your ligaments, muscles, internal organs are in for some fun shifting!!

* You will have to pee every 7 seconds. If you go somewhere new, your first order of business should be to locate the nearest restroom. It's like knowing where the emergency exit is on a plane. You may not think it's important information, but if you do encounter an emergency, it's a handy bit of information.

* You're going to be a cup-of-crazy. Maybe not all of the time... Maybe not even very often.. But the crazy will strike. Most of the time when you least expect it. And your husband, baby daddy, boy friend, whatever will never react exactly the way you, in your full-tilt crazy hormonal moment, think he should. Try to avoid flipping out around sharp, or heavy blunt, objects. It will make your apology a lot more tricky when you return to normal-town.

* Drink lots of water. If you're saying, "Oh, but I already drink sooo much water that's not a problem," shut-up and get ready to double that water intake. Yes, you will pee more (duh!). But, it will also help reduce the swelling in your hands and ankles, and it will help prevent the dreaded and super-ouchy round ligament pain that you'll become oh-so familiar with later in your pregnancy.

*Certain smells will make you feel pukey like you've never been in your entire life. Personally, I can now smell a cigarette from 20 miles away. It's like a way more annoying Spidey-sense. I suggest carrying around some lotion or some body spray that makes you happy. It really does help combat the sudden onset of "oh my god, I'm going to puke right now!!!"

*Resist the urge to punch people in the face (not to be confused with the above mentioned cup-of-crazy moments). For whatever reason, perfect strangers will feel the need to tell you HORRIBLE stories about other people's pregnancies. Smile, nod, and only scream at them inside your head... This takes some practice so if you do actually tell someone off, chalk it up to practice and try harder next time. Trust me, there will be a next time. The same rule applies when people that you're really not that close to touch your stomach. Um, hello? Do I walk up to you and grab your boobs?!? No? Then don't touch me!!! You'll quickly learn who can and who cannot do this to you without the urge to punch rising up... Fight the urge...

*Do you enjoy pooing like a normal person? Yeah, when you're pregnant, not so much... Fiber is your friend, plus all that extra water I mentioned... good times...

* No hot baths. No hot tubs. Nothing that could raise your core temp too high. You've heard, "I have a bun in the oven". Don't jack up the heat on the oven...

*Sex will not hurt the baby. (Unless your doctor tells you that you have a unique situation) Sex is fine. But, rest assured, he's going to think he'll poke the baby's eye out, the baby will know what's going on.. etc... If this were true, we'd all be emotionally scared, one eyed, freaks.

And, since I have to pee for the 1,000th time today, I'll end the list here...

Flutters, Kicks, and Tumbles

Kelly has twisted my arm (read: casually asked me if I still blog) and I decided to give it a go. Normally, I seriously lack the discipline to actually maintain a blog. (Hello?! 4 partially filled journals anyone?!) But, I figured since I'm about to embark on what could possibly be the most significant journey of my life - giving birth to my sweetpea Carolyn- I'd at least give it the old "college try" as they say.

So, with much trepidiation, at least an ounce of reserve and my daughter kicking, bumping, and tumbling about in my tummy I embark on my journey. I cannot promise wit, I cannot promise humor.. I cannot even promise any consistency in posts... But, maybe just maybe someday Carolyn will read this and know just how much her Mommy loves her and just how amazing she is to me.